


Jonathan Darkness Rodent E'kon

by we_the_mighty



Category: Vampyr (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, F/M, LITERALLY, M/M, it's just fucking crack, nothing about this is serious, please dont read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 21:09:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15494739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/we_the_mighty/pseuds/we_the_mighty
Summary: I'm.....just don't read this. Literally. Please don't.





	Jonathan Darkness Rodent E'kon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the vampyr discord server :)](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+vampyr+discord+server+%3A%29).



> .....I know. I know I have to update the woodsman. And that's coming within the next few days. But....the Vampyr discord server got a little out of hand this morning, and, well.....this happened. Don't read it. Please. It's not even quality crack. It's a mess. Somebody from the server emailed screenshots of this story to DontNod and asked them to press charges against me. I deserve it.

“Raven.” I herd a deep low voice call from behind me. I turn aroundv to look at the asshole that hyelled at me. I don’t let boys boss me around because I am a bad girl :)

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 it was Dr.Reid, a totALLY smexy british vampire!!!!!!!!11 just like me!!!!!1 He was wearing rlly tite dark black pants that hugged his you-know-what ;) and he was wearing a Three Days Grace shirt!! My favorite band!!!! His raven black hair was shaved on the sides and the bangs were swept over his eyeballs. He was totally smokin HAWT.

“Hello dr.reed :)” i simled sexily at him, showing him my fangs i had just gotten at hot topic. 

“Hello Raven” he smiled back at me showing his own wicked smexy fangs.

“Dr read where did yiou get your fangs?” i asked, walking up and putting my hand on his big chest all smexy-like. 

He smiled even wider and one of the preps walking past us screamed. I put up my middle finger at them. “I got them at claire’s.” he whispered sexily into my ear.

“Ewwwwwwwwwww! Doctor Red no way!” i pushed him away with my super strong vampire strength. “U didnt go to Hot Topci? Diont talk to me, stupid prep!”

“No raven wait!” he was shouting but i was already running away. Uhg! I cant believe i almost had smex with a stupid prep. I had to go and drink some blood now to make me less angry.

“Uhg! I almost had smex with a stupid prep!”

“Dr. reed is a stupid prep” a smexy deep voice from behind me said. I turned around and there was a realy buff smexy tall man standing behind me! He had dark midnight blue eyes and long hair that reminded me of my BFFL Gerard Way.

“Omg like who are you? if  ur a prep get away from me!”

“I’m not a prep :L” he sighed dramatically. He pulled off his super long black coat and underneath it was pants even tigther than doctor reeeed’s had been, really hugging his you-know-what! He was also wearing a three days fgrace shirt, but it was signed by Billy Joel Armstrong!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!1

“Omg bily joel armstrong is like my boyfriend!!!” i screamed happily running up to hug the smexy man

“My name is Hunter MoonCullum” he said “i am a vampire but i also hunt Prep vampires like dr. reiad.”

“Omg that is so freaking smexy!” i said. Then he lifted me up and we made out. But when I looked behind me dr. raed was standing there watching us behind a tree! and he was masticating!

“Hey loser prep! Mooncullum screamed at dr. raed who stopped masticating and started running away. “Burn the leech, boys!”

All of a sudden a whole bunch of goths game running out from behind mccullum. They were all wearing MY Chemical Romance tshirts and singing the song “teenagers”.

“omg ! they’re going to kill dr reeid!” i shouted.

They caught up to dr reid and he turned around to fight back. Teenagers kept on playing and they surrounded dr. reid in a circle. He began dancing like a rihanna background dancer, flailing around his arms nad twisting his hips! The gaurd all immediately dropped to the ground. He was to powerful!!!!!!!

“Oh noes! MoonCullum, what are yoio going to do>>>>>>>>>>>” i cried into his chest. He gently puished me aside with those big strong arms and lookede at me.

“Raven,,,,there;s something i need to tell you….” he whispered, blood red tears behan to come out of his eye hole. “Mr, reidi….is my boyfriend”

“OMG MOONCULLUM I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD LIE TO ME LIKE THAt! UYOU STUPID PREP!!!!!! I HATE YOUR!” then i ran into the Forbidden FOrrest and started crying. Today was the wrost day ever.


End file.
